10 Funny New Year’s Resolutions Ideas for 2010
I guarantee if everyone stuck to their new years resolution, the majority of the world’s problems would end because there would be fewer people to annoy us on a day to day basis. It’s those mouth breathing, oxygen thiefs of the world which fuel the murderous aggression of postal workers. They’re that “traveling-40kms-in-a-70kms-zone” moron who forces you late for work everyday. The guy sitting next to you whose B.O reminds you of a kebab with garlic sauce (trust me, it isn’t as tasty as it sounds). Here’s a few solutions for the insanity of the world:
1. Stop constantly updated facebook
Nobody cares what you had for breakfast, nobody cares that you are a little bit sad today, and nobody cares that you ‘can’t wait for the weekend’. We all ‘can’t wait for the weekend’.
2. Stop playing with your ringtones on the train
I don’t need to explain this one.
3. Stop listening to your iPod on super high volume on the train
Or this one.
4. Stop staring at me on the train.
You know the type. That one person on the whole train with a staring problem or 2 lazy eyes that makes you really feel uncomfortable.
5. Stop talking really loudly on the phone in supermarket queue
Nobody cares about your “friend Sarah’s” funny itch. We all know it’s you with the ‘funny itch’ and we don’t really want to touch anything that you have touched after hearing about your ‘funny itch’. Urgh.
6. Stop the endless twilight saga debate
Team-Edward, Team-Jacob – Nobody cares!!! Leave us alone!
7. Stop uploading videos of people onto Youtube
Everybody gets drunk at a party from time to time. Yes, your friend has been sick in a plant pot, they have their pants around their ankles and they are shouting obscenities at you and the rest of friends. It’s very, very funny – but please stop taking footage and putting it on Youtube – well done, you’ve just prevented your normally very nice, down-to-earth friend from getting their next job.
8. Stop trying to use 7 arms while driving the car
You don’t have 7 arms, you only have 2. It is not physically possible to 1. steer, 2. change geers, 3. eat breakfast, 4. drink really hot coffee, 5. read a map, 6. re-tune the radio, 7. talk on you mobile phone.
9. Stop blasting me with that horrendously bad breath of yours.
You know I can stand banal conversations. In fact, they’re a great source of entertainment for me but… for the love of god have the decency to not subject me to garlic and cigarettes. I’d rather not have to sit through a nasal multimedia presentation of what you ate for lunch today, telling me is quite enough information. It costs 5 dollars for Listerine and 5 minutes of your day to have decent oral hygiene which is a good alternative if you can’t hold up a decent conversation.
10. Stop touching everything I own.
Yeah, I understand that I may have loaned an item to you once upon a time but it doesn’t give you a license to run of f with it whenever you please. Have some damn decency and ask to use it and for god’s sake, bring it back when you are done.
This was rather therapeutic.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009 at 11:20 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
